SOUTHERN HOUSEWIFE WARNING: Controversial topics ahead. Proceed with caution and an open mind. :)I just finished listening to a short broadcast series on submission by Family Life. And I loved it! Even though I'm several books deep into being the kind of wife God wants me to be, I still learned many things by seeing situations through the eyes of a woman who has many years of experience.
Sometimes I want to blog about submission, but I hesitate. I think twice. In these times it's a 4 letter word, isn't it? Women either scoff, laugh, or get downright mean and defensive. "We're setting women back a 50 years!" or "We're equal- he will never boss me around!"
And they're half right- we are created equal in marriage. God loves us all the same. But, someone has to lead. There can't be too many cooks in the kitchen. Not everyone gets to be the President of the country. And we can't all be CEOs. Someone has to take the lead or else chaos will ensue. And for whatever divine reason He had, He wanted the man to be the leader of the family.
The series does a good job of explaining submission and how to submit with a respectful heart and attitude. It also definitely touched on several controversial topics, such as putting your husband before your children, not the other way around. It was amazing to hear a woman admit that she sometimes struggles with putting her children's needs before her husband's and the Bible says that is absolutely wrong. Today's mom wants to be super mom. Supermom can handle the slumber parties, and the soccer games, and the ballet recitals, and at the end of the day have a delicious and healthy dinner on the table with enough time left over to scrub down the kitchen. But in order for that to happen, sometime (or more likely someone) has to be sacrificed. More often than not, it's the husband.
I really feel strongly about this. I love my husband. It needs to be said twice- I love my husband. And if God decides that he wants us to have a child, I will love that baby with my whole being. But at the end of the day, it's Southern Hubby who's going to be by my side on that rocking chair on the porch. He'll be the one driving the RV when we travel the USA. My child will be living their own life, God willing, in a fantastic marriage with them putting their spouse ahead of everything (besides their fait and the Church). I don't want to spend 18 years with my child as the center of my world and then become emptynesters with nothing in common and no intimate growth between us for so long. My marriage would crumble fast. The center of my world should over course, be God, with Southern Hubby in second, and then my child.
One of the greatest gifts you can give your children is having them know that you and your husband have a fantastic marriage. And if the mom willingly and respectfully lets her husband take the lead of the family, they are showing their daughter a glimpse of what her role will be as a wife. And they are showing their son what his responsibilities are as a husband when he gets married.
Just thought I'd give you an idea of what my Bible study has be in the past couple days. I was really excited to hear the broadcasts cause I love Donna Otto and her Otto Mottos! :) I highly encourage wives to read it. Let me know what you think about it! I'd love to hear your comments on it!
Tomorrow: Praying for Your Husband, Loving Him, and Following Him: Part 2
Happy Husband submitting and loving!
xoxo Y
*Here the link to Oprah's show on the topic and the woman who wrote the controversial article in the New York Times.
22 sweetie poos said...:
i've been listening to donna too! i'm enjoying it so much and it is helping me stay focused.
Great post!!! I completely agree with everything you touched on!!!
I think this is a good post.
Submission as we think of it today is not submission as God defined it...and I'm not Southern :) Just a Northern with a knack for Catholicism. ;-)
Amen. You said it beautifully!
Blessings,
Nancy
www.basketmasterweavings.blogspot.com
great post, jen!!
Great post! I agree whole heartedly but think I need reminding on this! Having a nearly two year old, I do find myself putting him ahead of my dear husband. I am going to work on changing this today! Thanks!
Great post! I will pass this on.
So appreciated your post, and I agree that it's such a shame that to discuss submission with even Christian women today you often get nothing but rolled eyes, scoffing, jokes, or anger.
And this is really a shame because I love it when I am able to talk with other sisters about how to love and respect my husband more, and I need older women in the body to teach me how to have a more quiet and gentle spirit. It's one of my favorite things to learn on probably because I need the constant reminders!
For me the stumbling block is not just submitting to what my husband asks me to do specifically, but also to have a submissive and loving heart. To want to love and help him in ways that I know he's not even saying, but know it's there in his heart and mind. And to do so willingly, and gladly, and not just bite my tongue and do it because I "have to" (although sometimes that's what it is and that's better than nothing!).
Thanks for bringing up this lovely subject!
Great post today. I have to constantly remind myself about putting my husband's needs ahead of my children's. Don't worry about saying something controversial in your blog. It's your blog and you can say what you want! If someone does not care for what you are saying they can skip your blog for that day!
I really enjoyed your posts! I agree that the word submission has so many negative connotations these days, and it sometimes bothers me that Christian women want to gloss over it and say that that part of the Bible doesn't apply to today's world. You can't pick and chose what parts to follow in the Bible, and it can be a hard thing to follow in our society. I also think that some people forget to read other parts where it talks about how a husband is supposed to love their wife. That is a pretty tall order as well. It never says the husband is supposed to control the wife and rule over he with an iron fist. A man after God's own heart would not do that. Just my two or three cents! Thanks for posting :)
Thank you for being brave enough to post on this topic! This is one of my favorite subjects, mainly because I feel God has blessed my marriage tremedously through this teaching. I am not familiar with Donna's series though, I can't wait to check it out!
Thank you so much.
It is so hard to express these feelings. I have 3 daughters and most everyone says we are doing them a diservice by teaching them to be submissive. What??? A diservice to teach your girls a biblical principle. (roll eyes) It is not popular but it needs to be taught and practiced.
Once again thankyou so much for this post. I look forward to reading more.
~In HIS Keeping,
Mrs.B~
I also forgot to say something, When the children started to come along I had to learn to tell them, if it comes down to fulfilling a need in their lives or papa's nees, they would lose everytime. They learned quickly that papa is king in the home and they have learned to reverance and love papa because of this.
~In HIS keeping,
Mrs. B~
I think you said all of this perfectly!! I have always thought it was a little silly when women have babies to put their husband last all of a sudden. Then what's left of the two of you when the child is gone?
Great post and I can't wait for next weeks!
Awesome post. Thanks for sharing.
Wonderful post! This is a post after my own heart, as this is something that I've been learning/struggling with for awhile now! I see in your sidebar that you are participating in the A Wife's Biblical Submission study, and I have to say that that study opened my eyes in a way that nothing else has, and I'm only halfway through it!
It's rough growing up in a society that teaches women to be strong and "never need a man" and then try to apply God's word to that mindset. But, it is ever more refreshing when we do God's will and then see and reap the benefits! I am going to checkout that series and I look foward to more posts from you on this!
I borrowed your picture and referenced your post on my blog today. I hope you don't care.
This is a wonderful post! You are cordially invited to attend my Lilly Fashion Show next week. Please see my post today for details!
I agree! It's important that we give our husbands the respect they deserve and place them at the head of the household. I like how Mrs. Newlywed put it, "Submission as we think of it today is not submission as God defined it."
Have a good evening!
Brittany
I agree. Though unmarried, I've seen and heard of too many marriages where the mother threw herself into the childrens' lives, husband felt neglected and either emotionally and mentally shut his wife out (since she did it to him), or up and ran off with a woman that would put him first out of all earthly concerns. Then there's also what happened in my family - the dad took out his anger on the kid, and in turn the kid became angry and that whole relationship went down the drain.
It's so funny that within the Christian community the topic of wifely submission is so controversial. Everyone seems to forget that husbands are also commanded to LOVE their wives - which should negate any abuse/jerky behavior on the whole.
-Miss H.
Great post! Seriously great.
Being a mom of two little girls, it's really true that you cannot put your kids above your spouse. A husband and wife are a team. I'm pretty sure that kids who pick up on a parent putting the children over the spouse can be led into a lot of misbehavior. Working together with my husband, we parent our children, showing our girls a model of teamwork that reinforces how they should serve here on earth with their Christians brothers and sisters...and with their God. I've also always thought that submission is liberating in the sense that it allows us women to follow God's path for us instead of being obligated to perform the roles that our cultures deam important. Men and women are complementary, and it's a beautiful thing. Wives submit to their husbands, husbands submit to God. It's cyclical and it's fantastic. What greater love is there than having a man in your life who you trust whole-heartedly to act in your best interests, knowing that he is always looking towards the ways of the Savior?
Armchair Housewife spoke my thoughts when she said this:
"For me the stumbling block is not just submitting to what my husband asks me to do specifically, but also to have a submissive and loving heart. To want to love and help him in ways that I know he's not even saying, but know it's there in his heart and mind. And to do so willingly, and gladly, and not just bite my tongue and do it because I "have to" (although sometimes that's what it is and that's better than nothing!)."
And, I agree that the word "submission" is part of the problem, because people have a preconception of what the word means, and I think a lot of women hear that word and think "allow him to walk all over me, treat me poorly, disrespect me, etc..." No wonder they get their back up about it. I wouldn't want any of those things either.
The fact is that SOMEONE has to have the final say on things. If you are truly equal in ALL WAYS, what happens when you are trying to make a joint decision and cannot agree? There has to be one person with veto power. The trick is marrying the kind of man who would never abuse that power. And I think that's the key that the women who argue about submission are missing. If you are with the right man, then you won't feel weak and powerless, because he'll never make you feel that way.
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